The Two Most Important Words in Any Relationship
The Two Most Important Words in Any Relationship Aren’t What You Think
Inspired by the insights of Joseph A. Shrand, M.D., author of The I-M Approach
When we think about strengthening our relationships—romantic or otherwise—we often focus on grand gestures, quality time, or saying “I love you” regularly. While those are all meaningful, there are two words that might be even more powerful: “Thank you.”
Dr. Joseph A. Shrand, in The I-M Approach, suggests that expressing appreciation may be the single most effective way to strengthen human connection. Why? Because everyone—regardless of background, culture, or status—wants to feel valued.
Saying “thank you” does more than acknowledge a kind act. It tells someone they’ve contributed to your life in a meaningful way. It reminds them that they matter. And here’s the beautiful part: Every time you remind someone of their value, you increase your own.
Appreciation Is Influence
Dr. Shrand emphasizes a powerful truth: “You control no one but influence everyone.” The way you choose to treat people—especially those closest to you—creates ripples. A small expression of gratitude can influence the emotional climate of a relationship far more than most realize.
Think about it: “I love you” expresses how you feel about someone. “Thank you” highlights what they’ve done, who they are, and how they’ve impacted you. It affirms their identity, their actions, and their significance.
The Science of Feeling Seen
In romantic relationships, this form of appreciation is crucial. Research shows that “positive responsiveness”—feeling acknowledged and appreciated by your partner—may be even more essential than feelings of stability or authentic connection. It’s what makes love feel mutual and meaningful.
Appreciation cuts across demographics. It’s not limited by gender, income, race, religion, or political leanings. The need to feel valued is a deeply human one.
Beyond Romance: A Global Insight
Dr. Shrand’s message isn’t just for couples. It’s for humanity.
In a time marked by division and global unrest, remembering our shared desire to be valued could be a starting point for healing. What if we approached conversations—even difficult ones—with appreciation instead of anger? What if we listened, truly listened, to those we disagree with—not to change our views, but to understand their values?
When someone is angry, it usually means they want something to change. And often, that desire for change is rooted in feeling devalued or dismissed. Dr. Joseph A. Shrand
Rather than responding with reflexive judgment, we can choose reflection. Ask: What is this person really asking for? Is it so different from what I want?
Small Change, Big Effect
Here’s a challenge from Dr. Shrand: Today, try listening to a news source you usually avoid. You might disagree—or even feel your blood pressure rise. But instead of shutting down, get curious. What values are driving this different viewpoint? What needs are they expressing?
Even in disagreement, we might find a shared truth: the need to feel heard, respected, and valued. And that common ground could be the bridge we need.
One Human Family
At our core, we’re one species—humanity. We have an incredible capacity to solve problems and build meaningful lives together. But it starts with seeing each other. Valuing each other.
So why not begin today?
Say “thank you” to someone close to you. Not just as a habit, but as a sincere reminder that they matter.
Let that small change be your influence.
Thank you.
This blog was inspired by the work of Dr. Joseph A. Shrand and his powerful book, The I-M Approach. Learn more about his work and philosophy for human connection and behavioral health.
